A Body is as a Body Does

Did I mention how much I hate summer in Las Vegas. Despite the cloud cover it was 84 humid degrees when I left for my run at 7:02 this morning (and THAT is a late start!). Yeah yeah, dry heat -- HA!

I was dressing for my run this morning and grabbed my cropped tank. I noticed I have been grabbing that one a lot more lately. Is my body morphing into someone else's body or is it just the same old body and something else is happening? Hmmm....

As I stared into the mirror this morning, examining my torso for fatness as I do every morning, particularly the ones I don't weigh (I don't weigh everyday. Sometimes I go through periods like that, but not now when I eat so late and rise so early to eat something and get my run in.), everything looked the same to me. Perhaps my posture is slightly better.

One of my biggest complaints on getting to goal is that I can see I have a very flat stomach and can even see abs definition, but there is this loose layer of skin over it that makes itself known from the bellybutton down whenever I make an effort to suck it in and show it off :(

That sure ain't attractive. So I don't hold in my stomach when I am conscious of that. Instead my belly looks like a kid's belly who is trying to compare belly size with a friend's belly. What a ridiculous thing to worry about after all this hard work. It's kind of like acting like an old lady with a lot of wrinkles trying to blow out my cheeks really hard to disguise them.

But nonetheless the crop tops come out anyway. It is a gazillion degrees outside. Maybe my subconscious sees something else. I justify myself saying, "You see all these really large women wearing inappropriately fitting pants with half their hips hanging out and here you are worrying about a little bare midriff?"

I get some telling comments from other people, "You must be a dancer." "You must be a gymnast." "I knew you were a runner." Some aren't even true. The body type doesn't dictate the body activity. I was reluctant to label myself a runner for a long time, not considering my 2-3 mile runs "running" since my mother is a REAL runner who has run ultramarathons and runs tough trails a few days a week. I was just running for fitness and thinness. It wasn't until I showed up a few times at one of her club runs (see the New Basin Blues link on your left) in California that someone asked me how long I have been a "runner." Wow, when did that happen?

I was so happy to be pronounced a runner that I told everyone I was a "runner" now. Never mind I was not tall with legs up to my armpits nor did I weigh 10 pounds under the healthy bmi for my height and age. But I looked around myself and noted that runners do indeed come in all shapes and sizes. I did not have to be a totally fit and professional world class runner to be part of the club.

The body changed a little to suit the sport, but I still got those stocky once-big girl legs.

We can talk about dancers the same way too. A few years ago when I was heavily into yoga my brother said I had a dancer's body. I just laughed at that because aren't they tall, extremely flexible and graceful? So not me, but maybe... So here I am today running down the street in a tiny waist-bearing tank and dancing around the room in same said tank.

It's amazing how our own beliefs about ourselves hold us back for doing the things we want to do. The same thing goes for other's beliefs about us. When someone tells us something good about ourselves, we want to believe it even more and act accordingly.

When I told myself I wanted to lose weight back in January of 2000 I firmly believed I would get there. The mind believed and the body followed suit.

So if I believe I am deserving of the title of runner, dancer, thin person, etc etc, I will subconsciously and unconsciously follow suit.

This morning's run was 6.2 miles. I use http://myfavoriterun.com to calculate the mileage so I don't have to wear a watch.

On another note, my commitment to better self-monitoring is falling by the wayside. Better back-track yesterday's points!

And on yet another note, our performance class was delayed yet ANOTHER week due to the ineptitude of Clark County Parks and Recreation. I called regarding practicing on my own in the dance room anyway and I got nothing but attitude despite my niceness about it. I am starting to think that place has a conspiracy against us. We are some annoying and pesky afterthought they must keep dealing with.

Anyway, this afternoon I will go back to the NW gym where the Advanced Class teacher teaches for a basic class.