Did It!

Sorry it took me so long to post about our performance. I just wanted to have a picture to post simultaneously.

Anyway, we did it! We did our little 3 minute dance to La Playa. Rick was there and said it looked like we "had fun" which is a big compliment from him because he dislikes the utter look of concentration many dancers have.

I figured I practiced so much (and more than anyone) as well as showed up to EVERY practice so I had no excuse not to know it.

We went on first so we were able to sit back and relax and enjoy the rest of the Hafla. A video will be forthcoming. Keep in mind we are practically raw beginners and for now perfomances are practices unto themselves.

As for being nervous, I wasn't since I am so used to getting up in front of people and acting, either good or bad. So what was a little dance? Besides, I wasn't alone.

As for the rest of the FUN adventures, here is a rundown of the week:

Sunday bellydance with Y at LVAC. She said I danced nicely on Sunday which was a big compliment since I was so not in the mood that I almost went straight home instead of to class. We went over the Yemini step (again.. this time I think I got it), the veil, walking on the knees, moving splits (more floorwork). Was a good class.

Monday night was troupe practice with A. She is such a sweetie. Even though I must arrive late due to "work" we stayed until I "got it." I felt stupid in the beginning not getting this complicated serpentine entrance, but once I saw it in action I was good to go. It will be to Mizerlou and the theme will be surfer-style. I can't wait to perform it at the August Hafla.

Tuesday I ran 6-ish miles. In the pm I was so dragged out and exhausted from running and then literally running around in the 110 degree heat driving, unloading, leading, reloading and driving home to dump my melty stuff off and have lunch I never did muster the strength to make it to body pain, er pump class ;)

Wednesday I had veil/zill class with A as well as Beg 1 class. I am determined to show my silk veil who is boss and want to prove the teacher wrong that I CAN make my lovely veil do my bidding. We learned the barrel roll spin (got that right away) and "walk the dog" (which looked lovely with my veil -- think holding the veil up lengthwise like a train over my head and fluttering it).

Funny thing is today my arms are killing me. Must have been from that -- go figure!

Beg I was a choreography we performed as groups. We called ourself the Sultry Sultanas and they nominated me the leader -- go figure! We kept it easy enough for everyone to get. I think we did great.

I ran 4 miles on Thursday and snuck in a BD class with A2 (Lebanese style). Note to self... bring footless tights to wear under skirt in summer because thighs make umseemly slapping sound when shimmying/hip dropping which caused me to put less enthusiasm into the moves.

Our choreography du jour was:

8 count of mayas (flat-footed -- yes I am improving -- yeah!)

Camel step backward on right and to left

8 twisting shimmies on left

Hip drop forward and back with alternating arms -- 8

jump with shimmy

forward, sit back, kick hip drop

jump with shimmy

forward, sit back, kick hip drop

stepping back kick hip drop

2 circles on left

Whew!

So far I am liking all my instructors for different things. This one encourages us to take from as many as possible so we can learn as much as possible. Unfortunately not all my instructors are that way with some more than others thinking there way is the ONLY way which makes it confusing for me to keep the styles separate, yet wanting to practice the technique that works best for me.

This morning I hiked 4-ish miles at Bootleg with R. I was glad we finally had a chance to catch up since it has been months since we have had more than a few minutes together to talk. The scenery and the comraderie were worth the 4:30 am wakeup call.

Thank goodness today is my day off as the mid-morning nap was time well spent.

Tonight is choreo with A.

My Hero

Apollo Anton Ohno is my dance role model. He is a dedicated athlete who has developed muscles and discipline for going fast, but not grace and timing until he participated in Dancing with the Stars. He also has very well-developed legs that help him sprint. I have well-developed calf-muscles (notice I used positive self-talk). He had to adapt dance poses to suit him. I do the same thing. I am up on releve (toes) as much as I can get away with since it looks and feels better. One of my teachers dislikes her students dancing on their toes saying it isn't "authentic" enough (like bellydance is authentic with all the changes it has gone through in thousands of years?). She dislikes "Cabaret" (up on your toes) style. I think it suits me just fine. Sure I will still learn to dance flat-footed so I can do all the moves that way if need be, like a flat-footed maya or travelling shimmy.

The lesson for the day is listen to your body. I think my body has been yelling at me loud and clear to pass on the upcoming marathon and do the trail race later in October instead.

I love how nothing hurts on the lower half of my body now :-) No hamstring twinges, plantar faciitis, groin-pulls and piriformis syndrome. Gone is the Friday night dread the night before a long run wondering what "injury" will act up on tomorrow's long run.

Not training for a marathon doesn't make me a less of a runner. Just a more well-rounded one, stronger and fitter one ;-)

Moving Violation

Yesterday I snuck in a midafternoon bd class at the gym. I do like this teacher. The class is upbeat and I get a good workout. The one part that scared me was when she was putting together a combination and called on me to add a move. Talk about deer in the headlights I had no idea what to add. Since my toe was already sticking out I just said "grapevine." Talk about an easy out. There isn't a dance that can't use a grapevine, right? That was the first move I learned as a kid when I learned Jewish dancing I have used it in other classes. In hopes the teacher was just brainstorming and others would pipe in with other suggestions, to my absolute horror and embarrassment she included it in the routine Honestly I had no idea how a more complicated bellydance move would fit in there. Hey, I am just a novice! Right after class I slunk away so no one would comment on my use of the grapevine. Talk about a moving violation.

Meantime I did run 4 yesterday. Tonight I've got performance practice followed by the "free" BD class at the gym. This morning I will practice my zills. Gotta get those things down!

Newbie Attitude

This weekend we spent the evening visiting with my husband's Dad and family (includes his wife and three kids 14 and younger).

The oldest, K, is now running cross-country. It was so much fun listening to her talk about her training with the excitement of a kid in a candy store. Wow! That is how I feel lately about my bellydancing. It is so new with so much to learn that each practice feels like playtime.

As K spoke, my excitement grew. Here I had all these copies of Runner's World to give her and some great books to read. Maybe we could get together and run a few miles together some time! Maybe we will see each other at low key 5 k's this summer! :-)

So with my newfound enthusiasm, I got myself up and dressed for my run this morning without any of the recent accompaying excuses or complaining. I just did it as the Nike Ad says. The pace wasn't fast, nor was it slow -- just steady. I just thought if K is out there running this early, why not me? So we sort of ran together, albeit in separate parts of town.

When I returned I felt renewed and more ready to get serious about my St. George Marathon training.

On a separate note, my first performance will be this weekend at the Hafla. I am not that nervous yet. I know the routine. In fact I am a little excited!

Gotta go. Busy day ahead. Got body pump later too. Glad I ran so I don't have to "do it all" later on.

Down Home Down Time

Somehow I survived my busy week which seems to become exponentially tougher in the summer time when we start experienced that over hot heat we are so well known for. Just to give you an idea, it was 109 yesterday. Today it is already 103 at almost 12:15.

I did run yesterday morning, about 5 miles. It was already warm when I left the house at 6:15. This heat is just killing me. I don't know what I hate more, the treadmill or that sluggish feeling I get when I run in the heat. Don't know if I can motivate myself to get moving earlier because that means my body has to be functioning first thing and my metabolism can only start working so early.

This has been the major make plans with out of town friends week. Some highlights include one of my online maintenance buddies, Carolyn, joining me at my Wed night Bellydance class -- YEAH! How fun it was to turn around and see my cyber-buddy dancing right behind me. And you tell me cyber life isn't real?

We had a chance to reconnect the next day at lunch at Sweet Tomatoes. She brought her darling son Jacob. He is so cute and has such a great sense of humor.

Anyway, she took a picture of us with her cellphone at bellydance class.

As for bellydance class, I did make it in time this week for the beginner 2 where we pranced around with our veils and attempted to coordinate zills with movement. Talk about rubbing the tummy and patting the head at the same time.

I expressed my amazement of the possibility of coordinating these moves and how well the teacher does it when Carolyn pointed out that I have the same body parts as my teacher and with practice, I too can "get it." You know she is right.

Her words of wisdom are the same ones that rang true five years ago when I injured my hamstring while training for my first marathon. I was down in the dumps over not being able to run or even walk when she pointed out how my "arms weren't broken." That was when I set to work on developing the best arms I had ever seen on my body, like that lady in T2! Now working my upper body has been a habit I have been able to keep more or less since then. It sure helps to balance out my developed athletic leg muscles. (see positive self-talk)

Tonight will be Choreography class and after that I may zip over to the opposite side of town for my "free" bellydance class at the gym.

This morning I tried a Jacqueline Chapman Bellydance DVD I got from Netflicks. It was easy to follow plus we learned a sophisticated-looking dance by the end even though the moves were very basic. Why I can't piece together such a basic dance, I don't know. I must suffer from attention deficit disorder half-way through a song. I loved the costume changes throughout the DVD and how she incorporated her veil in one example. I definitely give this DVD three hip-lifts!

Pumped Up!

Yesterday got off to a rough start when my hubby and I got into a spat about bills. One bill in particular he promised to pay off and didn't which caused a finance charge to be tacked on and then increase exponentially for two months!!!! Then he turned it around and said a couple hurtful things to me about not paying it myself (what, could I not afford a minimum payment!). The point is that he said he would take care of it and he tried brushing it off on me.

Even worse he told me to get a REAL job. That was very hurtful. What I do is very real. You try acting like nutritionist, psychologist, counselor, coach, mommy, cheerleader, store clerk, salesperson and group facilitator/entertainer/teacher in heals and pantyhose 6 days a week when some days you feel like stuffing yourself full of oreos while sitting on your sofa all day reading US magazine (which I don't do, but you get the idea).

Nevermind I still squeeze in time to work on my web projects -- Arghhhh!!!!!

So between that and a stressful morning organizing and schlepping around in 100 degree weather for a new At Work meeting which ended up working out well -- nice group -- but I was toast by 1:30.

It would have been easy to blow off the afternoon workout, but I didn't. Since I missed my morning run (was out too late with highschool friend from out of town) I was feeling the pressure to do something. After a quick bite to eat at home I regrouped and headed to the gym where I managed a 40 minute run with a strong effort on the treadmill (which I hate, but did it anyway while reminding myself how proud of myself I would be after) and a one hour killer body pain (I mean pump) class. At body pump I didn't skimp on the weights. It was time to step up to the plate with challenging enough weight. And I did it!

That was all I needed to feel better and more energized for my evening meeting.

Yeah Me! (don't you hear the cheering section?)

Good news... the bellydance choreo class has FINALLY been scheduled AND my friend Carolyn may be dropping in (from California) tonight at my BD class AND the teacher tells me she can just pay a drop-in fee of $5. Yeah! Let's here it for small victories.

Other bonuses... R and I made future plans for running on Friday which I think will work out better than trying to squeeze a run in on a Sat morning (let's go RedRock, finally!) and I have a nice lunch at Subway and Golden Spoon frozen yogurt with a colleague to look forward to this afternoon. Good times, good times.

Cool Running for a change

This morning's 4 miler was cool and easy. It was a trail run along the old historic rail road trail near Lake Mead in Boulder City. I was only semi-coherent at 6am, but so long as legs don't need to talk we are doing fine. It took me almost an hour to complete!

I may need a nap before I see Sharyl tonight. She is a friend from high school who is visiting town to participate in the World Series of Poker -- how exciting.

Tomorrow afternoon as Advanced Bellydance at the NW gym with Y. I noticed some politics going on between her and the other instructors so I excused myself politely out of the post-class discussion she was having with one of her students. I am actually enjoying taking from all the instructors and am learning something from each one.

Being a student for a change instead of a "teacher" is providing me with many lessons I can apply in the real world. For example, never speak negatively about one's colleagues in front of the students. It appears unprofessional.

Off to practice zills! 1-2-3 1-2-3 1-2-3

Zen Run

This morning I overslept my alarm clock for the second day in a row. The funny thing is I don't even remember turning it off -- hmm.

So I was left with the question, to run my long run or to put it off by somehow sandwiching it in somewhere else.

After a cup of coffee and my pre-run "breaky" of balance bar I looked at the clock and realized I had time and it wasn't too late. Even better, there would be no school traffic since yesterday was the last day of school -- bonus! So I went for it and off I went!

I wore no watch and merely let the music and my muscles propel me down the street. Once I was warmed up (like after a few miles) I picked up the pace to a good song and by then I was in the zone. Not once did I try to "rush" the feeling. I wanted to be in tune with my body and run how it felt like running.

Funny thing is I didn't get tired at all during the run. There was no "slowing down" point. Each step felt strong in its own way. I did start to get a little hungry during the run so I may have to start carrying gels again.

Ok, now to BLOG what I have learned this week in BD class before I forget.
Yesterday the Thurs instructor was there (finally!). Her style is definitely different than the others. I kept up with most of the class, but there were a couple points when she added arms to the hip movements when everything fell apart for me.

Her maya steps are different than my beloved Wed night instructors. The heals are supposed to be on the ground for hers and the hips should look like they are sliding out and down, alternating in a figure 8 pattern like a waterfall. My hips don't do that. The Wed night instructor has us lifting our heals off the ground which makes for an easier maya, but the effect is more "roundy" than "slidey" if that makes sense. I keep practicing the Thurs version hoping eventually I will get it.

I notice different bodies are capable of different things. I am short with a short torso and roundy, yet small hips so the slide moves are kind of lost on me. Anything where I am sticking my hips up or out works better. Give me the roundy moves. I think angular moves work better on other bodies. Don't worry, I will continue to practice everything and hope for the best.

This brings to mind Axel Rose of Guns and Roses. He does a "reverse maya" to get that snake like move going on (see, guys can bellydance too!). He is tall and lanky so that works for him, more real estate for the moves to flow.

So Thurs' combination was
hips slide: RLRLRL (arms swaying in opposite direction, but moving up a little each time)
fast hip drop on 7&8: down up down (hands above head)
upward chest circlesx3 while dipping down, standing at R angle
reverse ub undulation on 7&8
same thing on L

Wed night beginner 1 class:
Sara, our senior member at 80, did her dance for us. She's got guts. It was great!
Warm-up
Shimmies, slow, fast, travelling fbLR
Hip Lifts and drops and while travelling
Improv Circle (everyone gets a turn in the middle)
Simon Says (we follow the teacher, my favorite part because I really feel like I am dancing)

The annoying loud gum-smacking ladies were not there so the vibe was different and friendly than the last two sessions (I am a veteran now). So I made some new aquaintances. One is a WW member from another class and we got on well. She will be getting an email from me on where to get hip scarves, BD classes, etc. Nice people all in all.

No news on our choreography class yet. The Community Center Director keeps making lame mistakes and continues to "fight" us on getting the class going when all we want to do is dance and follow the rules so we can continue to dance there. Who knows if it will be happening tonight!

Beginner 2:
I arrived in time for hips circles and to learn a "new" move I learned only in Yatoki's Advanced class on Sunday, the arabic, I think. Walking forward doing a half hip circle forward while shifting weight from foot to foot. I have seen bellydancers do this walk while showing off their fancy zill work. Ansuya comes to mind. Now I can do it!

We also played with our veils and zills. BTW, did I mention how much I love my silk veil? The teacher isn't too keen on them because they are hard to predict their flow and fall, but I am determined to become an expert at mine.

BD tally: 3 classes in two days (one back to back and wasn't strenuous)
ET with arms :30 minutes
9 mile run today -- yeah me!

Ok, MK out.

A Body is as a Body Does

Did I mention how much I hate summer in Las Vegas. Despite the cloud cover it was 84 humid degrees when I left for my run at 7:02 this morning (and THAT is a late start!). Yeah yeah, dry heat -- HA!

I was dressing for my run this morning and grabbed my cropped tank. I noticed I have been grabbing that one a lot more lately. Is my body morphing into someone else's body or is it just the same old body and something else is happening? Hmmm....

As I stared into the mirror this morning, examining my torso for fatness as I do every morning, particularly the ones I don't weigh (I don't weigh everyday. Sometimes I go through periods like that, but not now when I eat so late and rise so early to eat something and get my run in.), everything looked the same to me. Perhaps my posture is slightly better.

One of my biggest complaints on getting to goal is that I can see I have a very flat stomach and can even see abs definition, but there is this loose layer of skin over it that makes itself known from the bellybutton down whenever I make an effort to suck it in and show it off :(

That sure ain't attractive. So I don't hold in my stomach when I am conscious of that. Instead my belly looks like a kid's belly who is trying to compare belly size with a friend's belly. What a ridiculous thing to worry about after all this hard work. It's kind of like acting like an old lady with a lot of wrinkles trying to blow out my cheeks really hard to disguise them.

But nonetheless the crop tops come out anyway. It is a gazillion degrees outside. Maybe my subconscious sees something else. I justify myself saying, "You see all these really large women wearing inappropriately fitting pants with half their hips hanging out and here you are worrying about a little bare midriff?"

I get some telling comments from other people, "You must be a dancer." "You must be a gymnast." "I knew you were a runner." Some aren't even true. The body type doesn't dictate the body activity. I was reluctant to label myself a runner for a long time, not considering my 2-3 mile runs "running" since my mother is a REAL runner who has run ultramarathons and runs tough trails a few days a week. I was just running for fitness and thinness. It wasn't until I showed up a few times at one of her club runs (see the New Basin Blues link on your left) in California that someone asked me how long I have been a "runner." Wow, when did that happen?

I was so happy to be pronounced a runner that I told everyone I was a "runner" now. Never mind I was not tall with legs up to my armpits nor did I weigh 10 pounds under the healthy bmi for my height and age. But I looked around myself and noted that runners do indeed come in all shapes and sizes. I did not have to be a totally fit and professional world class runner to be part of the club.

The body changed a little to suit the sport, but I still got those stocky once-big girl legs.

We can talk about dancers the same way too. A few years ago when I was heavily into yoga my brother said I had a dancer's body. I just laughed at that because aren't they tall, extremely flexible and graceful? So not me, but maybe... So here I am today running down the street in a tiny waist-bearing tank and dancing around the room in same said tank.

It's amazing how our own beliefs about ourselves hold us back for doing the things we want to do. The same thing goes for other's beliefs about us. When someone tells us something good about ourselves, we want to believe it even more and act accordingly.

When I told myself I wanted to lose weight back in January of 2000 I firmly believed I would get there. The mind believed and the body followed suit.

So if I believe I am deserving of the title of runner, dancer, thin person, etc etc, I will subconsciously and unconsciously follow suit.

This morning's run was 6.2 miles. I use http://myfavoriterun.com to calculate the mileage so I don't have to wear a watch.

On another note, my commitment to better self-monitoring is falling by the wayside. Better back-track yesterday's points!

And on yet another note, our performance class was delayed yet ANOTHER week due to the ineptitude of Clark County Parks and Recreation. I called regarding practicing on my own in the dance room anyway and I got nothing but attitude despite my niceness about it. I am starting to think that place has a conspiracy against us. We are some annoying and pesky afterthought they must keep dealing with.

Anyway, this afternoon I will go back to the NW gym where the Advanced Class teacher teaches for a basic class.

Run not rush

It is funny that no matter how much time I carve out for my running (and it does involve some carving because there is nothing fun about an alarm clock going off at 5:00 am on a Sunday so I can run while it is still a refreshing 80 degrees) that as soon as that first foot hits the pavement, my "list" comes out of hiding.

Right away I start thinking of those people I promised to email or I start editing my notes for this morning's meeting, trying my best to file away those mental notes until I return or I start mentally repacking my gym bag or make a note to self not to forget a water bottle and a snack for my long day out.

It's crazy, but my legs start moving faster when I start this mental checklist thing, as if returning a minute sooner from my run is going to get anything done faster. Meantime I keep reminding myself that this is my time and no amount of stress over forgetting something is going to make me faster. In fact, it takes away from my run being about me, not everything else.

So the to-do's eventually fade away which makes room for life's major issues to make their way in such as when is my husband going to start seeing a doctor again about his leukemia (he recently told me is sick of being a patient with "nothing wrong" except for "bad blood" -- don't worry, he is going tomorrow!), what course we will take with the whole baby thing (adoption, more $$ $pent on treatments or continuing to be happily kid-free and fancy-free) and should I get a "real" job even though my current job is a real job. So my legs start moving faster again as if running faster is going to speed up the decision process.

Again I check myself and remind myself this is not a race and I am worth this time even if I am "just" running and not solving mine or the world's problems.

My legs keep a steady rhythm down the street even though it is tempting to stop and rest. I can rest when I get home. Meantime my iPod keeps a steady stream of music flowing to motivate me forward through the 'hood. Again my mind wanders and I rant inwardly at the race directors of Grandma's marathon to threaten to pull runners off the course if they are wearing headphones. I hope this doesn't become a trend. The music makes the experience more enjoyable for me and even sometimes bearable when I feel like stopping or slowing down. I consider crossing marathons off my To Do list, but Rhonda would kill me if I decided to stop training for the St. George Marathon with her (drat... guess that means I gotta keep running through the summer).

So I start to wonder how long my run is taking me. The legs are moving at steady pace, but I am not motivated to pick it up too much more. Maybe I am running faster than I can tell. I look down at my wrist and I am reminded that I don't run with a watch anymore than I have to these days. I know the time I left the house and that's it.

Pretty soon the four miles are done, finishing more triumphant than yesterday, always practicing my finishing kick and crossing the invisible finish line at my street with hands in the air, not caring who sees. I tell myself I am thin now so I don't care what people think of my public physical actions anymore. Before I would do nothing to draw anymore attention to myself than I would already get (hey, look at the FAT girl with the arms in the air).

Even though it was a somewhat gently-paced run, I did give it whatever umphf I had left at the end. See it pays not to rush!

On a sidenote: This afternoon was my first intermediate/advanced bellydance class (yep, I am moving up in the world). It was great! Before class I bided my time on an exercycle for 52 minutes watching tv while waiting for the spin class to finish up. In BD class we learned circle/figure 8 combos (how to put those together and flow from move to move), played with my new veil for a while (super fun even though I tend to get bored watching long veil routines myself -- guess it's different when it is you dancing!), practiced making a grand entrance, hand positions, head slides (very Bollywood, hehe) and I made a "dance date" to practice with a sister-student before next week's Sunday class.

Taking BD class has really expanded my social circle. Later on I bumped into Rain, a girl I met my first day at LVAC during my free trial week that lasted 10 minutes because she convinced me to join then and there and I haven't been disappointed since. Life is too short to worry about the economic effect of belonging to two gyms. Hey I use both so that is payback right there!

Living the Good Life

Who would have thunk it? Six years of maintenance under my size small belt (Mother's Day was my Goaliversary) and here I am doing things like waking up to run 8 miles (yep on a 100 degree day even!), eating a healthy breakfast (never ate breakfast unless someone was offering me Cocoa Puffs or a donut) and leading a Weight Watchers meeting. Next I stop at the community center to see if it is open in case I decide to stop later on to practice my routine in the dance room which was followed by a trip to the store to pick up bags of salad (not a day goes by without me doing this), mushrooms (another strange addiction -- I dip them in salsa like chips), carrot chips, sliced turkey, La Tortilla wraps, egg substitute and lots of balance bars (breakfasts for an active day when I don't want stuff bloating my belly before a workout).

Given I was hungry when I made it to the market. It would have been just as easy to drive through Mc Donald's on the way home, but I didn't. I actually enjoy and crave my tasty filling salad-wich-wraps.

I forgot to mention how good it felt to pull on pantyhose (yes, they make us wear them to WW meetings in LV of all places, but I am a good girl so I do) and slip on my dress and zip it without any drama or tears.

So I am leading the best meeting of the week. Nothing beats a Saturday meeting and this bunch is the most upbeat group... so much so that they lead themselves. In the middle of the celebrations a member announces how much he HATES Weight Watchers. (Now he is a little mentally challenged so much so that he may not always control what comes out of his mouth, but his thoughts and speach are clear so I take the challenge seriously.)

Whoa! The whole room went silent. So I did what any good leader does... enlist the group for support. Of course they all jumped in and helped out and even suggested he stay after so I could go over the Core (he HATES to track).

Then the good time suddenly became work. I didn't want to bring down the whole room. After a flurry of problem solving I went directly into direct/redirect mode until I proceed with celebrations and send them on their way after a mention of the topic and motivational close.
Meantime I had two new members sitting there probably wondering what they were getting into. My energies were literally divided until this young man left with his caretaker.

Ever since then I couldn't get him out of my mind. It has been so long since I struggled like he is. I have my moments, but the show is mostly on for me now. But as a youth who was told she was OBESE by her doctor, I resented being told I had to lose weight and to eat a certain way. I know. It took me many years and several tries before I "got" that I truly had to change my thinking forever. It can take a while to go from deprivation to land-o-plenty mindset, from can't to can.

Another new member voiced her concerns about all the changes she would have to make to lose weight. Again, if we kept doing the same thing we would stay the same.

Sigh. Can't I just take my magic wand and wave it over everyone and make their fat go away. They will all be transformed into program-loving running fools like myself. But alas this is reality. Weight loss doesn't happen on its own without working through the process.

Between you and me this member left me almost speechless. I don't have all the answers. But I am danged proud of my new lifestyle and hope just by living it others will pick up on the vibe and start feeling capable and worthy of the benefits themselves.

I must remind myself I am totally justified in wanting to eat healthy, wear cute tiny clothes and run down the street without extra weight on my bones. This is my motivation. Each person must find one's own to burst through the barrier of their own deprivation mindset.

Today I ran 8 tired miles (these early mornings are killing me -- did I mention I hate summer?) Yeah me!