Run not rush

It is funny that no matter how much time I carve out for my running (and it does involve some carving because there is nothing fun about an alarm clock going off at 5:00 am on a Sunday so I can run while it is still a refreshing 80 degrees) that as soon as that first foot hits the pavement, my "list" comes out of hiding.

Right away I start thinking of those people I promised to email or I start editing my notes for this morning's meeting, trying my best to file away those mental notes until I return or I start mentally repacking my gym bag or make a note to self not to forget a water bottle and a snack for my long day out.

It's crazy, but my legs start moving faster when I start this mental checklist thing, as if returning a minute sooner from my run is going to get anything done faster. Meantime I keep reminding myself that this is my time and no amount of stress over forgetting something is going to make me faster. In fact, it takes away from my run being about me, not everything else.

So the to-do's eventually fade away which makes room for life's major issues to make their way in such as when is my husband going to start seeing a doctor again about his leukemia (he recently told me is sick of being a patient with "nothing wrong" except for "bad blood" -- don't worry, he is going tomorrow!), what course we will take with the whole baby thing (adoption, more $$ $pent on treatments or continuing to be happily kid-free and fancy-free) and should I get a "real" job even though my current job is a real job. So my legs start moving faster again as if running faster is going to speed up the decision process.

Again I check myself and remind myself this is not a race and I am worth this time even if I am "just" running and not solving mine or the world's problems.

My legs keep a steady rhythm down the street even though it is tempting to stop and rest. I can rest when I get home. Meantime my iPod keeps a steady stream of music flowing to motivate me forward through the 'hood. Again my mind wanders and I rant inwardly at the race directors of Grandma's marathon to threaten to pull runners off the course if they are wearing headphones. I hope this doesn't become a trend. The music makes the experience more enjoyable for me and even sometimes bearable when I feel like stopping or slowing down. I consider crossing marathons off my To Do list, but Rhonda would kill me if I decided to stop training for the St. George Marathon with her (drat... guess that means I gotta keep running through the summer).

So I start to wonder how long my run is taking me. The legs are moving at steady pace, but I am not motivated to pick it up too much more. Maybe I am running faster than I can tell. I look down at my wrist and I am reminded that I don't run with a watch anymore than I have to these days. I know the time I left the house and that's it.

Pretty soon the four miles are done, finishing more triumphant than yesterday, always practicing my finishing kick and crossing the invisible finish line at my street with hands in the air, not caring who sees. I tell myself I am thin now so I don't care what people think of my public physical actions anymore. Before I would do nothing to draw anymore attention to myself than I would already get (hey, look at the FAT girl with the arms in the air).

Even though it was a somewhat gently-paced run, I did give it whatever umphf I had left at the end. See it pays not to rush!

On a sidenote: This afternoon was my first intermediate/advanced bellydance class (yep, I am moving up in the world). It was great! Before class I bided my time on an exercycle for 52 minutes watching tv while waiting for the spin class to finish up. In BD class we learned circle/figure 8 combos (how to put those together and flow from move to move), played with my new veil for a while (super fun even though I tend to get bored watching long veil routines myself -- guess it's different when it is you dancing!), practiced making a grand entrance, hand positions, head slides (very Bollywood, hehe) and I made a "dance date" to practice with a sister-student before next week's Sunday class.

Taking BD class has really expanded my social circle. Later on I bumped into Rain, a girl I met my first day at LVAC during my free trial week that lasted 10 minutes because she convinced me to join then and there and I haven't been disappointed since. Life is too short to worry about the economic effect of belonging to two gyms. Hey I use both so that is payback right there!